Kimochi
by Aphelia Yuu
Summary: The true feelings of the Sakurazuka. Beware, there may be possible spoilers within!


The rain poured nosily outside as I sat in the empty room, so dark, so lifeless. I could still remember the times you and Hokuto-chan spend in here, however, that was the past, and thus could never happen again. I quietly heaved a sigh, which sorts of make me wonder, am I really tired? Thru all these years, I have never understood what the word 'tired' meant. I don't even understand what feelings were, let alone what 'tired' was. Shaking my head softly, I took out my packet of Mild Seven cigarettes and lit one. Weird, wasn't it, how a cigarette would be the weapon of the Sakurazuka. I myself am amazed as well, how I, a dark onmyouji who is feared by many, was able to use such equipment for battle.  
  
I took a puff and watched the smoke slowly rise up. It certainly has been a long time since we last met, isn't it? Was it 8 years, or 9? Time do really fly fast, and I knew you would sooner or later find me, and make me grant your wish. However, I have my own wish that I want to have granted more than you do, and you are the only one who can grant it. I have indeed killed Hokuto-chan, much to your sadness, however I had no intention in the first place to kill her. Hokuto-chan knew that she was your 'mirror', your substitute, and she was the only one who could make my wish come true. I knew it was selfish of me to kill her, but I wanted to grant my wish, even if it was going to cause you great sadness. I really wanted no one but .. .you.  
  
When we first met after all these years, you were older and cold. But under all those emotions that you had, I knew you had not even changed a single bit. You were still being so kind towards me, using attacks that never did hurt a single bit. Even if you knew you were in my maboroshi, you still wouldn't accept the fact that you are in one, until you knew you would not see me in it. I guess you really do want to kill me, but you still couldn't control yourself to kill, kind and caring Subaru-kun, which was why you sister died, casting the final spell of hers for you, you are glad she did that, aren't you? I knew I am though.  
  
As the world around me crumbles slowly, I knew how I was to end. I have been wondering, would you have noticed that I was waiting so patiently for you to grow strong? I guess not, for you would have been really angry wouldn't you? You would have thought that the Sakurazuka is teasing you, torturing you with sorrows that hurt so much, no one except yourself, knows. I am getting tired, Subaru-kun, I really am.  
  
That night, you fought with the 'Kamui' of the Dragon of Earth at the Sunshine Tower, I was around, watching your every move. Had you really wanted your fate to be like mine, I was sure you did, and thus the Kamui of the Dragon of Earth granted your wish. Now I'm sure you are happy, are you not? But did you spare a thought for others, to be so hurt to see you in pain, for example.me. Did you really think I would wish for you to lose your eye like me? Did you really think I was that stupid to sacrifice my eye so as to kill you later? Would you really let yourself believe that I truly had some feelings for you? Did you really think that because I am from the Dragon of Earth and you are from the Dragon of Heaven and thus we are to be apart? If I had knew that you had wanted to give up your right eye then, I would have intervened 'Kamui'.  
  
Right now, I see you approaching the Rainbow Bridge, slowly advancing towards the center of the bridge. I wanted then for the time to stop, so as to let me have the last few moments of my life, remembering you. With a lit cigarette, you stood there, waiting so ever patiently for me to appear. Reluctantly, I got out of my hiding place and walked towards you, holding your hand with the lit cigarette using my right hand, the hand that was not stained with blood. You seemed surprised, but at the same time, caring, far too caring. You noted that the ash from the cigarette was going to fall on my hand, going to burn me. You said I had changed you, but you never will change, because you could never change. When I took that cigarette away from you, I was sure you were angry, angry at the fact that the Sakurazukamori has killed yet another victim. You wanted to start the fight as quickly as possible and thus, you created your kekkai.  
  
Your blows were rapid, trying to attack me at every possible chance you had, and yet, your attacks still doesn't hurt. When I told you about how your sister died, were you infuriated? I raised my hand slowly, reminding you that that was how I killed your sister and before you even knew it, there I was, kneeled in front of you, your hand pierced through my heart. You wanted to know why, why you were able to kill me. And there I was, telling you the words of your sister before her death. My surroundings were fuzzy, and the air around me felt so cold, that it choked me. You hugged me tightly, tears, warm tears, flowing down your blood stained face, trickling gently onto me. You said you wanted to erase me from your memory, but you just couldn't. Did you know that I had tried the same, Subaru-kun, trying so very hard to erase you from my memory, but to no avail?  
  
I, am so very tired, Subaru-kun. I'll never understand myself, even if I am near death. Had I really loved you then and now, I am never able to answer that myself. All I knew then was we could never be together, for we belonged to two different worlds, and thus, how are we possibly to be together?  
  
I knew you would never be able to kill, Subaru-kun, which was why I selfishly killed your dear sister, knowing that she will grant me my wish. With the last effort left, I tried to get closer you to, wanting to tell you how I really felt. I...you...I guess you will never know the rest of what I was about to say, no thanks to the wind. Good-bye, dear Subaru-kun, the one and only person that I truly ... 


End file.
